Well, I made it through the fall semester and maintained my sanity! I have said every semester that I will do my best to stay focused on what is before me without being consumed by it. I am not sure that I have learned how to do that yet. As much as I want to remain calm and centered, I continue to find myself feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. While this is true, truer still is the reality of how God continues to meet me in my neurotic times and gently reminds me that this is His journey that He has invited me into, and it is He who will ultimately work it all out. Once again He brought me to a place of humility and quietness where I had to lean heavily on Him to make it through. Once again I am reminded of how very far He has brought me and how carefully He has orchestrated my steps. As always, it is Him through me.
My sweet husband, Bob and my dear friend Patti Messner put it into words for me what I have been living in these past five months. I have been in a class that has been a bi-weekly assult on my spirit. One of my professors made it very clear that Christianity and belief in God were ridiculous and foolish fantasy and magical thinking. Having lived enough life to have filters for these commentaries was enough to keep my heart embracing the truth, but I was angered by the fact that there were 50 other young people in the class without those filters. They sat through these past five months hearing garbage being presented as fact without the benefit of hearing truth to counter the lies. My heart breaks for the confusion that was stirred up in their hearts. I have prayed for them often. Patti pointed out that I have been walking through a field of sludge that I can't go around. This field is the only way to reach the goal that is in front of me; a degree in social work and whatever God has planned for me through the process and beyond.
In twelve days I will be getting on an airplane and flying to Washington D.C. I am still blown away by this amazing gift that God has given to me! While I have had to prepare physically for this trip, gathering real winter clothing, scarves, gloves and shoes; I have also found myself with a strong thirst for spiritual preparation as well. I have spent most of the last 22 years surrounded by people who love me completely, who live passionately for our sweet Savior, and share openly their own journey of faith with God. Being in school has majorly limited my ability to remain in these safe places on a regular basis. I dearly miss the conversations that help to keep my heart and mind focused on the Father and His amazing character. I have found myself feeling very weary from the pace of life that I have been living, and yet there is no rest in sight at least not for a few more months.
Sunday I sat in service at Open Door Fellowship and was bathed in the truth that I have been missing. Singing Third Day's "King of Glory" and proclaiming at the top of my voice the majesty of our Lord, Jesus Christ, filled my heart. And yet I am still thirsty. I am glad to be thirsty for Him. I don't want to ever know what it is to not long for Him or to not desire to seek Him.
As I leave for D.C., I am very aware of my need to take Him with me. The need to sense His presence is great in my heart, and I want to go in His power and strength, not my own. Throughout the last couple of days, an old song from the '80's came into my mind and I have not been able to shake it. I want to share it with you:
By My Spirit - Leslie Phillips
Chorus:
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Verse 1:
Sometimes fears can hide your vision
The loss of purpose chains you down
You think I've forgotten all you're dreaming of
But how could I forget the one I love
And it's...
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Verse 2:
I can see your heart is tired
And your courage has worn thin
You wonder how long you will have to hang on
But when My love comes in, you'll be strong again
And it's...
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Bridge:
These mountains will be removed
I'll build my temple in you
And what I've promised shall be done
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Not by might, not by power
But by my Spirit says the Lord
Thanking my God that I am not the one who has to hold it together or pull anything off. It is truly Him through me.
~Angie
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Healing
Thought I would let you all know that my eye is healing. I have had scratches on my cornea in the past due to contact issues and that heals pretty quickly. This has been a bit different in that I have had to have a lot of down time and my eye has been dilated continuously since last Wednesday morning. This makes seeing, reading, watching TV, emailing, and just about anything you can think of incredibly challenging. I haven't been this bored in a very long time.
Funny, I always think things will be healed quickly and I can move on with life. After years of being on a healing path with God, you would think that I would know by now that these things take time! Sitting with others in their pain, I hear often, "I thought I would be over this by now." That is when I remind them that God wants us to be healed completely. It is a process, not an event. Well, I am definitely in process this week. In more ways than one.
Not being able to read well, or see to type very well has given me a lot of time to do things not related to school. I truly am loving school and all that goes with it, but I have been tired. Having the time to sit and think, and to meditate on the things that God has been doing in me and through me for the last year and a half has been good medicine for my soul. I have had to use several eye drops multiple times a day for the last week. Each drop has bathed my eye with the very things that are bringing healing and restoration to my eye. It is the same with all that God has been doing in me and through me. Each of these things have brought much healing and restoration to my heart.
As I think through how He has been directing my steps over the last fourteen years, I am becoming more and more aware of the deep scaring that I have had in my heart, but even greater still, the deep, deep healing and restoration He has been bringing. With each step He has guided me along my journey of healing, I have seen the beauty of His truth and the wonder of His love. It has not been an easy journey. In fact, I have often wished that I could be done. Crazy thing is, the longer I travel with Him, the more I have come to understand that the journey is really an adventure. An adventure of discovering who I am, who He is, and how much He longs to use me to lead others toward their journey to discover the same depth of healing and restoration that He continues to bring to me.
So as I sit through the next week, waiting for the healing process to be completed in my eye, I am taking inventory of all that God has brought me through so far, and all that He is leading me toward on this powerfully adventurous journey. Knowing that each bend brings on new challenges, greater healing, and deeper faith; creating in me the great hope of knowing that He is faithful, trustworthy, and ever present along the way.
Pressing onward,
~Angie
Funny, I always think things will be healed quickly and I can move on with life. After years of being on a healing path with God, you would think that I would know by now that these things take time! Sitting with others in their pain, I hear often, "I thought I would be over this by now." That is when I remind them that God wants us to be healed completely. It is a process, not an event. Well, I am definitely in process this week. In more ways than one.
Not being able to read well, or see to type very well has given me a lot of time to do things not related to school. I truly am loving school and all that goes with it, but I have been tired. Having the time to sit and think, and to meditate on the things that God has been doing in me and through me for the last year and a half has been good medicine for my soul. I have had to use several eye drops multiple times a day for the last week. Each drop has bathed my eye with the very things that are bringing healing and restoration to my eye. It is the same with all that God has been doing in me and through me. Each of these things have brought much healing and restoration to my heart.
As I think through how He has been directing my steps over the last fourteen years, I am becoming more and more aware of the deep scaring that I have had in my heart, but even greater still, the deep, deep healing and restoration He has been bringing. With each step He has guided me along my journey of healing, I have seen the beauty of His truth and the wonder of His love. It has not been an easy journey. In fact, I have often wished that I could be done. Crazy thing is, the longer I travel with Him, the more I have come to understand that the journey is really an adventure. An adventure of discovering who I am, who He is, and how much He longs to use me to lead others toward their journey to discover the same depth of healing and restoration that He continues to bring to me.
So as I sit through the next week, waiting for the healing process to be completed in my eye, I am taking inventory of all that God has brought me through so far, and all that He is leading me toward on this powerfully adventurous journey. Knowing that each bend brings on new challenges, greater healing, and deeper faith; creating in me the great hope of knowing that He is faithful, trustworthy, and ever present along the way.
Pressing onward,
~Angie
Thursday, November 20, 2008
11/20/2008
There is so much to share that I really don't know where to start. So I guess I will start with today.
I ended up in the ER two nights ago due to severe eye pain. Turns out I have an ulcer on my right eye and it is inflamed internally as well. This is most unexpected and certainly not conducive to functional life. However, I do know that I have been really tired from all that I have had on my plate this past year, and as He always does, He is providing a way for me to stop for a couple of days to have some forced rest. Being in pain is not necessarily restful, but not being able to drive or go anywhere, demands that I sit still and, for today, rest in His arms.
I know everyone I have been talking to lately has been agreeing that this year has FLOWN by! I can't believe it is Thanksgiving next week. Although when I think back over all that I have done this year, I understand why it has gone so fast. I have been attending Glendale Community College (GCC) since the Spring semester of 2007. I started with one class to see if I could really do this. I found out that I can and I am loving it! Knowing that I do have what it takes to be in school, I am on my way to earning a degree in Social Work.
I jumped in feet first, with the goal of finding as much scholarship opportunity as possible. As I began searching for scholarships, I kept coming up empty handed. Here is how that search is going now: For the Spring semester of 2008, I took on four classes. Yes, I was insane, but I did it, and my family survived it. One of the classes I took involved a Spring Break trip to San Diego to do a service work project. ~ Some of you will know that this is when I went to work with StandUp for Kids, working with the homeless street youth. God melted my heart and captured me in the quest of serving these kids who have very few who stand in the gap for them. God is pulling me deeper and deeper into the world of these kids, and breaking my heart for them. ~ So, because I participated in this project, I have earned $2300 in scholarship awards through Americorp. Wow! This should cover most of the next three semesters of school that it will take for me to complete my AA at GCC.
During my current school career, I have been accepted into the Honors program which is bringing on many important opportunities for me. I attended two conferences in the spring and during one of these, I heard about an opportunity to participate in an amazing trip to Washington D.C. coming up this January. (More to come on this.) I have been able to develop a relationship with the Honor's director, who has been unbelievably supportive and constantly offering amazing opportunities to earn scholarships, participate in special events and is encouraging me to pursue the chance to receive even more financial awards for when I transfer to ASU West. All I can say is, I could never have found all of this on my own. God continually drops these things in my lap and I keep stepping forward.
I have become very aware of the amazing way that God is guiding me on this journey. This semester, I am taking my first Social Work class. As a part of this course, I have had to choose a field of practice to focus on. I have found myself being very drawn to policy and planning. This is really a very funny turn for me. Politics have never been a very big interest of mine. I am too artsy! Well, this is where my heart is being drawn, which only confirms that this is what God is calling me to.
So this brings me to the trip I mentioned several chapters ago. I have been chosen by GCC to attend a conference in Washington D.C. January 10 - 21, 2009! I will be attending multiple events ranging from forums with the media discussing how the media influenced the elections, how the candidate that won used the media to their advantage, what the candidate that lost did that hurt him, etc., to visiting embassies, tours of the capital, and hopefully a tour of the White House. I will also be attending the Inauguration, and with any luck, I will be attending an inaugural ball! I feel like Cinderella!! Another component to this trip is that it is being set up as a class through GCC for which I will receive three credit hours, and the class will focus on policy writing. Is that not an obvious God thing?!
So this novel is the beginning of a travel logue for my journey to Washington D.C. and beyond! If you are interested in keeping track of my journey, please check in from time to time. I will be trying to keep updates regularly especially while I am gone. To all who know me well, you know what it has taken to get to this place. You also have been a very important part of this journey. Without the incredible support from all of my friends and especially my loving husband and kids, I would not be at this juncture. I am honored and unspeakably grateful to you all!!!
I am looking forward to what lies ahead and to what our amazing Father has in store for me as I travel with Him. I am glad you are a part of it too!!
~Angie
I ended up in the ER two nights ago due to severe eye pain. Turns out I have an ulcer on my right eye and it is inflamed internally as well. This is most unexpected and certainly not conducive to functional life. However, I do know that I have been really tired from all that I have had on my plate this past year, and as He always does, He is providing a way for me to stop for a couple of days to have some forced rest. Being in pain is not necessarily restful, but not being able to drive or go anywhere, demands that I sit still and, for today, rest in His arms.
I know everyone I have been talking to lately has been agreeing that this year has FLOWN by! I can't believe it is Thanksgiving next week. Although when I think back over all that I have done this year, I understand why it has gone so fast. I have been attending Glendale Community College (GCC) since the Spring semester of 2007. I started with one class to see if I could really do this. I found out that I can and I am loving it! Knowing that I do have what it takes to be in school, I am on my way to earning a degree in Social Work.
I jumped in feet first, with the goal of finding as much scholarship opportunity as possible. As I began searching for scholarships, I kept coming up empty handed. Here is how that search is going now: For the Spring semester of 2008, I took on four classes. Yes, I was insane, but I did it, and my family survived it. One of the classes I took involved a Spring Break trip to San Diego to do a service work project. ~ Some of you will know that this is when I went to work with StandUp for Kids, working with the homeless street youth. God melted my heart and captured me in the quest of serving these kids who have very few who stand in the gap for them. God is pulling me deeper and deeper into the world of these kids, and breaking my heart for them. ~ So, because I participated in this project, I have earned $2300 in scholarship awards through Americorp. Wow! This should cover most of the next three semesters of school that it will take for me to complete my AA at GCC.
During my current school career, I have been accepted into the Honors program which is bringing on many important opportunities for me. I attended two conferences in the spring and during one of these, I heard about an opportunity to participate in an amazing trip to Washington D.C. coming up this January. (More to come on this.) I have been able to develop a relationship with the Honor's director, who has been unbelievably supportive and constantly offering amazing opportunities to earn scholarships, participate in special events and is encouraging me to pursue the chance to receive even more financial awards for when I transfer to ASU West. All I can say is, I could never have found all of this on my own. God continually drops these things in my lap and I keep stepping forward.
I have become very aware of the amazing way that God is guiding me on this journey. This semester, I am taking my first Social Work class. As a part of this course, I have had to choose a field of practice to focus on. I have found myself being very drawn to policy and planning. This is really a very funny turn for me. Politics have never been a very big interest of mine. I am too artsy! Well, this is where my heart is being drawn, which only confirms that this is what God is calling me to.
So this brings me to the trip I mentioned several chapters ago. I have been chosen by GCC to attend a conference in Washington D.C. January 10 - 21, 2009! I will be attending multiple events ranging from forums with the media discussing how the media influenced the elections, how the candidate that won used the media to their advantage, what the candidate that lost did that hurt him, etc., to visiting embassies, tours of the capital, and hopefully a tour of the White House. I will also be attending the Inauguration, and with any luck, I will be attending an inaugural ball! I feel like Cinderella!! Another component to this trip is that it is being set up as a class through GCC for which I will receive three credit hours, and the class will focus on policy writing. Is that not an obvious God thing?!
So this novel is the beginning of a travel logue for my journey to Washington D.C. and beyond! If you are interested in keeping track of my journey, please check in from time to time. I will be trying to keep updates regularly especially while I am gone. To all who know me well, you know what it has taken to get to this place. You also have been a very important part of this journey. Without the incredible support from all of my friends and especially my loving husband and kids, I would not be at this juncture. I am honored and unspeakably grateful to you all!!!
I am looking forward to what lies ahead and to what our amazing Father has in store for me as I travel with Him. I am glad you are a part of it too!!
~Angie
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